the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize