3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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