Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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