it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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