I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
