well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
God, I missed his penis.
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