I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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