I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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