he puts the penis in happiness.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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