You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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