I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
