I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He felt like a one man threesome
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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