There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
