don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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