I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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