i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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