I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
