I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
