Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
