how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
