just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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