Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
