nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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