i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
