apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
