My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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