You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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