Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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