Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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