please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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