Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
