I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
