He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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