i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
