Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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