Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this will be a night to untag.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
