there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
