i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
