but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you never un-have a 4some
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
