Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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