In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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