The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
