Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
