i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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