So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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