She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
