Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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