Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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