she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
