i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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