who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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