My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
