i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
