so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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