party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
