I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
