my mouth tastes like poor choices
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize