wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
