Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
