This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
