Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
