All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
