Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
