Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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