Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
