Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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