You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
