im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hippo gnu deer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize