New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
