He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
