you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
