Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
