i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
