not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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