Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
